In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
