You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
All I want is dick and wine.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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