Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
