I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
