sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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