we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
