READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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