so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
