i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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