im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
