Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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