so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
