What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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