Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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