Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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