Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
