you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
