I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
