Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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