You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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