We named our party play list daddy issues
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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