i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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