what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
