dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
