I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
