So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
