Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
