dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
