Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
