took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
