don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
