seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
