Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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