I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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