whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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