My underwear smells like fireworks.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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