She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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