no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
