Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
