I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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