Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
