We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
