Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
