We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
