I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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