Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
