90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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