tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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