we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
