Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
